something i really wanna do

there's something i really wanna do. there's something i would like to share with someone. perhaps it's just a memory i would like to share.

it's simple and it requires no money, only walls down, guards down.

maybe 1 day it will happen and maybe it will not.

i think you discover much about a person through doing such stuffs together.

i remember telling boon i've done what i want to do and i've said what i wanna say.

but now i remember this is something that i haven't done and i would like to do it once in my lifetime. =)

feelings

mm lee's eulogy is sad. it's not written in any emo manner but i felt really deeply.

i told boon as of now i don't have any regrets in my life.

i've said all i've wanted to say and done (almost) all that i want to do.

indeed, i have said the i love yous that i wanted to say from the bottom of my heart. though it didn't come out the way i intended.

i've also spent the years in japan just the way i set out to spend them.

only thing i was not given a chance to articulate my true feelings the way i wanted to, the way my heart feels it.

still i think i did alright, and he knows it at the very least.

my ixy and i

my ixy has been with me about5 years. not that long but way too old for a digital camera.

"well-meaning" photography enthusiasts who lug around DSLRs and what not have advised me to get a new camera. i will someday. but not to replace.

granted the quality of my pictures have been deteriorating steadily, the shots are grainy, there is no depth to my pictures, colours are not vivid and it doesn't work well in low light conditions...

but this was never meant to perform at the same level as a DSLR technically. there are however interesting functions on the camera, coupled with accidental angles, that can create pictures that are unique in their own right.

i love my camera and i take pictures that can bring out the best of my camera (in my opinion). no sharp images, no blurred out backgrounds, no by-the-book great shots but special shots that pleasantly surprise me and make me happy. creations in my mind's eye, materialize, with a dash of unexpected finish by my camera. my shots my style. no borrowing, just pure inspiration, pure accident.

in the same vein, dare to be urself. by trying to be someone else is like forcing a camera like mine to perform like a DSLR. go for someone who can bring out the best in u. who can appreciate the beauty in ur quirks and imperfection and see u for who u are.

only when u are true to urself can u truly be happy.

misfit

people say your background shapes you.

but why do i feel like a misfit?

everyone's good to me. much support and love.

i'm on-the-surface happy and contented.

but something's missing.

after 30 years, i'm still not used to the very background i'm from.

and sometimes we fit right in with someone who came from a totally opposite background.

but sometimes love really ain't enough.

or is it? shall we love?

Valentine - by Wendy Cope

my heart has made its mind up

and i'm afraid it's you.

whatever you've got lined up,

my mind has made its mind up

and if you can't be signed up

this year, next year will do.

my heart has made its mind up

and i'm afraid it's you.

happiness?

adelene sent an article.

but will it make you happy

there was this sentence below.

“the one single trait that’s common among every single person who is happy is strong relationships.”

when you've exhausted all other options, perhaps it's time to believe in the one you brushed off initially.

fight

went for mip.

people could sense i'm down.

jackson said ladies want the man to fight for them and in the same way man also want ladies to fight for them. fight meaning going through difficult times for them and with them. i guess it's true. only when u fight for something u know the value of something in ur heart.

he says dun look back once a decision has been made. u will look back years later to see why it turned out that way.

i know this. i didn't look back for SLOW. and i also am thankful we didn't continue.

but to live through it all over again 5 years later is difficult and i'm not feeling good.

why? why? why? so many questions and no answers.

want

asked pa whether on hindsight he would've still wanted a family given that he had the business to run.

he said u have to want it.

if u want something, all inconveniences, all hurdles will be challenges and not burdens.

spoken like a man.

he also said people can't be alone. it's very lonely and people can't live like that. indeed when we are young we think investments in personal and intimate relationships a waste of time.

yes they would be - if our 1 life goal is to grow old and lonely all alone.

i wanna do something meaningful

been a couple of months since i got back and i've yet to find something meaningful. i have been watching those ted videos that tw's been uploading and gone to their website.

it looks interesting and more importantly it feels like they are full of passion and inspiration.

much different from the unethical environment i'm used to where excesses are the norm and where the quick and dirty way is always preferred. i hated that and in part that was the reason i left. i just want no part of that.

i really wanna do something meaningful, work for a worthy cause. do something for society.

where shall i start?

misunderstood

i dun live for the moment.

i just cherish the moment.

if that bit of honesty could convey how i really feel about u, then i have no regrets.

even if that was the end.

~inspiration is like the birth of a baby, it doesn't choose a seeming hour to enter the world~ quote from the dreamers

same goes for love.